Life Begins at 29
I turn thirty on Friday, which means yesterday, 5 days prior to this anniversary for me, is an anniversary for a band I like a whole lot. 29 years ago, on April 5, 1980, in a church on a street in Athens, GA, R.E.M. took the stage and played.
It was a friend’s birthday party.
All that remains today is a steeple.
The band however has endured.
My office, and indeed many aspects of my life are filled with things related to this band. I’ve been ridiculed for it, been made to defend it, had to make excuses and later embraced it. It’s odd that a band consumed so much of me, but in the end is it anything to be ashamed of?
Maybe it helps to figure out why this happened, since it happened near this time, many years ago, and it directly relates to why I work in the music business.
On April 10, 1988 I turned nine years old. I looked like this. April 5, 1988, R.E.M. turned eight. They looked like this. My uncle Ian, who at the time was 14 was heavily into every piece of music played by Rodney on KROQ. At that time, R.E.M. had a top 10 single with The One I Love. My uncle, who saw it as his familial duty to instill on me the gift of good taste, decided that instead of a Lego set, he’d get me music.
R.E.M. Document was one of the records I got. Later, in November, he got me R.E.M. Green (released November 8, 1988, which was a shitty day for other reasons).
Up to this point, I liked music. I had some tapes that I took from my dad. Mostly they were things he was into in the 1970′s: Fleetwood Mac, Beatles, Elton John. As well I had some LP’s and a record player. I liked the album Help! a lot. My musical currency however was lacking. I was nine years old. In 1988, my exposure to music was what I found around the house and what was played on MTV. What I remembered about R.E.M. was that they had that weird video with the fire in it, and I wanted it to end so the Beastie Boys video would air.
Document is an interesting album. Like Lifes Rich Pageant before it, it opens with bombast. Unlike Pageant, it’s not a guitar riff intro into it, but a full on assault. I put the tape in, pressed play and listened: Finest Worksong, Welcome to the Occupation.. End of the World. Flipped it over: One I Love, King of Birds, Oddfellows. Then again. And again.
I didn’t know about the band. I thought they might be British. I made my dad take me to Music Plus, but I didn’t have enough money to buy the three cassette pack of Murmur, Reckoning and Fables. They did however have a copy of the December Rolling Stone proclaiming R.E.M. “America’s Hippest Rock and Roll Band.” I read the article. I found others and read those.
In November of 1988 I bought Green. March of 1991 I bought Out of Time. October 1992 I preordered the limited edition of Automatic for the People. In September of 1992 I stayed up all night in Hawaii to watch the debut of the Drive video. My room had collections of VHS tapes of appearances and videos I had taped. Saturday Night Live, every video, interviews on 120 Minutes and more.
In 1992 I also got Internet access and found lyrics, guitar tabs and communities around R.E.M. In 1993 I was on AOL and found the REM Fanclub. I’m still friends with people from there to this day. In 1993 they opened up Usenet on AOL and I was on rec.music.rem
In 1994 I bought Monster at midnight. In 1995 I saw R.E.M. live. In 1996 I started a website. In 1996 I finally met Michael Stipe.
Fanaticism gets a bad reputation. Or fandom if you want to call it that. It’s derided, ridiculed, blamed for things — with reason — and relegated to the fringe of behavior as something “others” do, but you’d never sink to. The act of being a fan is willing yourself to admit that something that you don’t control makes you happy and fulfills something for you. The act of being a fanatic is letting something you don’t control make you happy, whether you like it to or not. There’s a fine line there.
I’m a fan. But in the past twenty-one years I’ve become something more. I have a hard time figuring out what that is. In fact I’ve spent a long time struggling with this and trying to reconcile it. As much as I’ve been motivated and driven in my professional and personal life, I’ve carried with me a love for a band, and applied the same level of motivation and effort toward that. In some places this intersected (how I got my job at Warner Bros. Records). And in some it didn’t. I created a website not to seek anything but a sense of community with those that might think like me. I made the site an online community in 1998 for the same reason.
In the years since, I came to know the band not because I wanted anything from them, but because it seemed like the natural thing to do. I didn’t try, these are things that just happened.
Twenty-one years ago, I got a cassette tape as a gift. Today I find myself, weekly, having to explain why every inch of my walls and boxes in my office contain R.E.M. memorabilia. It’s easier now, I use the “I worked with R.E.M. for a long time” and since I now work at their label. It used to be more difficult. Today, they are friends of mine. But its further than that too. How did I meet my wife? We were introduced by someone I met through the band. How did I get my job? Craigslist…. and their manager gave me a recommendation.
For a long time, I’ve been apologetic for my love of this band. But should I be?
I view it this way: I grew up loving a band, who I ended up becoming friends with, and who are the nicest guys I know. Celebrity or not, rock star or not, artist or not. Just nice people. They’re nice to my wife, nice to me, have been nice to my family. Not because they owed me anything, but because that’s just how they are.
I grew up listening to their music, watching videos, going to concerts and buying albums wondering what enables people to make amazing things that others can enjoy. I wondered what I would say when I met these four guys, who somehow, got together on a spring night in a southern town to pound out some songs.
The first time, I stammered “Thanks”
In the end, I didn’t have to say a word.
I think people underestimate the importance art plays in life. We too often value things that matter only to remove concern for us to enjoy art unencumbered. Money, success, material things help us raise the bar for the default of comfort, but what truly elevates us above default are two things: love and passion.
We find love in all things: people, art, animals, nature, the world at large. We find passion in the things we’re allowed to love without filter, tension or reason.
I love a lot of things. I love my wife, my animals, my family, the thing kicking inside my wife and my life in general. I’m passionate about many things as well. But no matter what I loose myself in, no matter what I love unequivocally, without reason, something always, without fail puts a smile on my face:
We are R.E.M., and this is what we do.
To Mike, Michael, Peter and Bill and Bertis: Thank you for doing what you do.
You guys are the reason I continue doing what I do.
I always love posts like this. I think too many times we don’t explain the passions that drive us for fear of derision.
To some extent, I envy the fact that you can drive your work back to such a strong source of passion; I’ve never been able to fully nail down why it is that I’ve moved in the direction that I have. I’ve somehow ended up here through numerous mentors, a route of various jobs, through the emotion of failed friendships and new ones gained, through the forced adaptation required of putting yourself in positions where you must always evolve. I feel to some extent I think you’ve found the proper focus. As of now, I am still stuck in the land of unbridled passion. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to find some type of focus that I, too, can look at as an endless source of inspiration. It’s good to know that you’ve found an extant example.
YES!! This is the past, present, and future of the music business. Or rather, music.
Who knows who will make money via music. There are no clear-cut answers right now. Too much change.
But that sense of community will always be there.
I never set out to be involved in music, but I married a musician. Then I stumbled across performers who moved me and I wanted to help them achieve something with their art. Someone helped me when I was starting my career as a writer and I felt an obligation to offer the same help to young musicians that I felt had potential.
It’s never been about money for me. It’s been about passion and creativity.
Great. Sometimes you’ve just got to let be what wants to be – geeky or not, fanatical or not. There’s a satisfaction that just has to exist. Clearly, it works out okay in the end.
Interesting times. You know I identify with many parts of your story – the sites I made, the albums I bought. I turn 30 this month, too, on the 28th. Happy birthday to you and to Amy.
I really enjoyed reading this Ethan. I’ve had a lot of similar thoughts myself.
You’re a lucky man, EK. And I bet you even realize that, which makes you luckier still.
Good on you.
\-\/\/
Howard, one of my favorite lines from a song is:
“I’m a lucky man, with fire in my hands.” from the Verve.
and his dad and mom, love the band, the music, and the son
To add to what dad said (avram k) – we are very proud of our son and the love he has for his wife, our g-d willing “future grandson”, the pugs and his family. Yes REM has always been part of his life and it took me almost 15 of those 20 years to appreciate the band as well. It took meeting Michael at the Jones Beach concert where Ethan got me back stage not because Ethan worked for the label but was the “fan.” I did get to see how down to earth the band was, how appreciative they were of Ethan and what he had done with his fan website and also see the joy in his eyes when he said to me “this is surreal mom” after speaking to Michael….. In fact – I had to agree with him!
Happy Birthday Ethan – all my love to you, Amy, the grand dogs and that little guy kicking….
Mom
I’m a huge fan, mostly of dead classical composers whom the world seems intent on forgetting. I see a lot of myself in this post, with the obvious exception that I don’t get to talk to Johannes Brahms and say what a nice man he is. I’ve had to defend my fandom, yes indeed. Yet I’m so acutely aware of how much these artists have enriched my life. I’d be a traitor not to.
I stayed up to get Monster at midnight too. It defined an era for me, right down to the color scheme.
Great post. Say thanks to the guys for me and the rest of us.
Ethan,
First of all, thanks for Murmurs. I haven’t posted a lot over the years (I’m somewhere around 60 posts now), but, I’ve checked in from time to time for news, etc., and always found it to be a welcoming, pulsing, community. I appreciate this post about your experience, too. Their music has been the score to my life, like you, since I was a kid (started by borrowing a friend’s copy of EPONYMOUS). Since then, however, it has marked many landmarks in my life (e.g., first dance at my wedding, driving to the delivery room, personal highs, lows, and in-betweens, etc.). But, I wanted to communicate the fact that I can confirm what you’ve said about who they are. Its not that I’ve met them (I haven’t), but, what you’ve said about their kindness is consistent with the way that members of the REM HQ office staff treat others. This past summer my wife and I met Kevin O’Neil and Chris Billheimer and found them both to be very kind and gracious. My wife and I are mere fans, but, they treated us as if we were visiting family and that (I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this) is not all that common. Since first meeting them, Kevin has continued to be gracious. Hoping to catch up with him and to meet other R.E.M. fans in Athens on 4/2. Would love to shake your hand, too. Thanks again for providing Murmurs.com and, as a fellow father (of two: six years and two years old), I enjoy your posts about your son.
Peace to you Ethan!
Mark