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Next week a lot of people who can afford a 3k + admission fee will converge in San Francisco for the Web 2.0 mega conference extravaganza. Having gone last year, and since then to a bunch of other conferences, I would like to voice some suggestions for those attending and those wishing to attend to make this experience nicer and more pleasant for everyone involved.

1. In iChat, turn on Bonjour messaging and make your status something indicative of where you are located in the conference hall. This will let others around you know that the person with the Fables of the Reconstruction album cover iChat icon (in my case) might be next to them.
2. In Backchannel IRC, try to be as snarky as possible, and then at random intervals act offended because you “know the presenter very well, asshole.” I’ve had this happen a lot. It makes for amusing lunch time conversation.
3. Bring a lot of business cards. I bring a stack of 250 usually and then spend the year between conferences trying to reconcile phone numbers to people.
4. Along these lines, make a database when you get back and keep it handy so you can cross reference call-ID with how annoying the caller was AFTER you handed them your card. Or to the converse, how cool they were and you hence want to talk.
5. Wander, look at name tags and talk to each other. Conferences are only as good as the people you meet, not what is on stage.
6. Don’t drink too many caffeinated beverages or you’ll be peeing all the time.
7. You might want to leave your boxy, hard edged, plastic laptop at home Mr. Microsoft McSquare pants. The hunched-over-lap-top ethos is elevated by styling wares. Just like driving LA traffic in a 100k car will always make you feel better even though at the core, you are miserable.
8. If you see Merlin Mann, give him a kiss on the cheek and tussle his hair.
9. Pear shaped men are commodity at these things. Being an endangered species at tech conferences means being at the core of the attention economy. Web 2.0 is no different.
10. Don’t bother bringing your own weed. Plenty will be around, just follow the bald spots.